Seeing the Signs of Domestic Violence Part 2
In a previous blog post, we discussed the signs that indicate you may be part of an abusive relationship. But even when you, yourself are not being abused, recognizing the signs of abuse is extremely important.
One of the fundamental beliefs at VEST is that domestic violence is a social issue that impacts more than just the individuals who need support and protection. The effects of this type of violence are felt by the entire community and have consequences that affect entire generations.
Therefore, all of us as members of the community, have an obligation to help eliminate as much of this problem as possible. This is for the common good. And as part of that effort, learning to spot the signs that someone may be in an abusive relationship is a vital skill to develop.
Signs That Someone May Be in an Abusive Relationship
Your “Abuse Radar” should go off if a person you know:
Appears to be overly worried about pleasing their partner / family member.
Are constantly checking in with their partner / family member.
Exhibit noticeable personality changes, such as seeing chronic low self-esteem in someone who was previously usually confident.
Has a partner / family member who constantly belittles them in public and / or on social media.
Never seems to have any money available, even for small things such as going out for coffee.
Suddenly loses access to important things like their cars, keys to their home, medicine, etc.
Begins skipping-out on work, school, or stop taking their children to childcare – often for no clear or rational reason.
Increasingly opts out of group and other social activities.
Seems to wear clothes that don’t fit the season, like long sleeves in summer which can cover bruises and other injuries.
Are constantly make excuses for injuries, especially if their injuries occur more frequently than you would normally expect.
Of course, you may also be witness to overt instances of abusive behavior, where a person is injured, ridiculed, harassed, abandoned or yelled at by their partner / family member. And abuse is not a one-way street. Women are capable of abusing their male partners as well. Even if they are not as strong as their victims, they can employ tactics such as using weapons, conducting “surprise” attacks or attacking while you are asleep, or threatening or injuring children or your pets.
What You Can Do
The most important thing you can do for a friend you believe is in an abusive relationship is to “be there” for them. Be open to listening, without judgment. Let them share their thoughts and experiences in their own time. Abuse victims may exhibit self-damaging behaviors. It's crucial not to blame, criticize, or push them too hard to seek help. Patience is key. Don’t participate in any of their misleading or delusional thinking they use to hide the abuse. While being supportive, it's important to remain grounded in reality. Gently explain what you perceive in a factual and non-emotional manner. Focus on expressing concern without overwhelming them. And, suggest ways that they may get some help. Your presence, patience, and willingness to offer non-judgmental support can make a world of difference. It may take time, but your support could help them find the strength to seek help when they’re ready.
If you live in Solano, Sonoma County or the surrounding area, encourage them to visit our website www.vestsolano.org or to contact us by emailing us at info@vestsolano.org or by calling 707-247-5521.
If you live outside the area, you can direct the potential victim to a local domestic violence agency or have them call the National Domestic Violence 24-Hour Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or for TTY for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing: 1-800-787-3224.
However, if you feel the abuse victim or anyone close to them is in direct physical danger, please call 911 to get professional assistance as soon as possible. Also, encourage the victim to distance themselves from the abuser immediately.
Support Your Local Domestic Violence Agency: Your support can make a tremendous difference in the lives of those affected by domestic abuse. Any contribution, no matter the amount, will have a deeply impactful role in helping survivors find safety, healing, and empowerment. Together, we can create a safer and more supportive community for survivors. Click here to donate today.